Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(858): View more from California

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass

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(312): View more from Illinois

you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?

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(541): View more from Oregon

im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?

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(705): View more from Ontario

Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.

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(540): View more from Virginia

That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....

(1-540): View more from Virginia

It was the best sex i've ever had.

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(337): View more from Louisiana

I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.

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(850): View more from Florida

I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.

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(810): View more from Michigan

It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n

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