id be glad to
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
