I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
