i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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