Tell her she can't have a vagina
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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