dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
