Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
