those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
