I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
