i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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