so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
