I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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