Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
