glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
