Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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