Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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