I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
