i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
