The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
