i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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