I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
