Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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