i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
