it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
