Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
