is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
