her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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