did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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