i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
