I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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