I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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