How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
