I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
