No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
