the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
where does the pee come out of this thing
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
