Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
