I'm going to jail i love you
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
