So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
we're so committed to being not committed
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
