i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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