ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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