i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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