You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
