I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
