8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
