summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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