not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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