so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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