My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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