I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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