Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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